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Call it a World Series hangover, but the Gorgeous Armada performance Thursday brought back thoughts of our national pastime.
It was the bottom of the ninth, the audience was up to the plate and the band was throwing nothing but hot garbage.
The first strike came like a curveball, deceiving and hard to pick up. The $5 cover charge implied there was value behind the front door at Duffy's Tavern. Sadly, that was incorrect.
It was the normal bar scene: people drinking, couples canoodling and a danceable soundtrack. Bar maidens dressed in bat-themed uniforms and artists conversed before the show.
Artist Michael Lee wanted to support the music scene, as did songstress Aubrey Debauchery, they said.
Gorgeous Armada is a band that on any given night may be comprised of four members or possibly 37.
It's always a good time, Lee said.
"They're something you definitely need to see," the acoustic guitarist said. "They're just up there to have fun."
The penultimate strike came as 50 Cent's "In Da Club" was blasting from the rear of the bar followed by '80s jam "The Freaks Come Out at Night" and Jay-Z's "Change Clothes."
The art of turntables and scratching has evolved drastically in the past few decades. It is more important to the DNA of a band, and when done right, can open new doors of musical reality.
Sadly, the man onstage seemed more comfortable pressing keys on his laptop and drinking water.
This is a great example of the bad side of DJs - when they become static computer masters. Anybody can use iTunes, and merely playing "Now! Hits" over a sound system doesn't qualify as a live performance.
Even slow pitches from artists including Daft Punk and Justice, songs with steady simple beats and empty space, could have easily been knocked out given a little more dedication to the craft.
The third strike occurred when the owners turned off the Sharks-Red Wings game playing on TV that was providing a distraction from the night's uneventfulness.
The main draws to the evening's festivities were the costume contests, as people attempted to keep out of the rain and keep their visages intact.
This was a disappointment, too. Creativity for Halloween seems to lessen each year.
Ghosts, ghouls and go-go girls were replaced by a sexy bee, a sexy cop and a sexy doctor. There was even a group of sexy crayons. The men stuck to superheroes, comic book heroes and real American heroes including Dog the Bounty Hunter. The latter sported a marvelous mullet.
When the main event started 90 minutes into the DJ's set, Gorgeous Armada's main man, Handsome Gorgeous, brought up contestants for the costume contest, except hardly anyone wanted to participate.
A man wearing a flannel shirt, a big white beard and holding a bag of candy was given the award for his "Diabetic Santa" costume. There was also a "Most Edible Costume" contest, yet no one seemed to get that memo.
The band played. With most songs lasting fewer than four minutes, it sounded like the band's entire discography before long.
Songs about toothpaste, werewolves and sexual liaisons at a truck stop were rapped and screamed by a band of 10, five of whom had microphones. The lead singer's pirate eye patch and lab coat covered an elongated black costume, strapped from knee to toe.
"I want to thank E-40 for this one!" Gorgeous said, as one song used the Bay Area rapper's last single, "Tell Me When to Go," as its backbone. Most of the band's songs were just people yelling with other artists' music.
At the end, almost everyone was sick, cold and tired. There was a lack of enthusiasm from everyone except the band. While the back of Duffy's had a smaller area with a pool table and chairs to relax in, nobody was in there either.
While the sheer numbers enforce the idea of an armada, there was nothing pretty about the evening. Maybe next time a better opening act, some clearer weather and a reason to go will encourage students to pack into a closet with a dozen other people.
Jesse Seilhan can be reached at jseilhan@theorion.com
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