So it's day five of the NFL draft, and with just four short days to go, things are really starting to heat up.
Who will go 953rd overall? What impact might that third-string long snapper from Nebraska have in the NFL?
But seriously, what is the sports world's fascination with the NFL draft? It's not even a real sporting event.
Here is what the draft really is: a conference room full of league officials, the top 50 or so college athletes dressed in suits and lunatic fans who must feel like watching the draft on TV just can't do justice to hearing the names announced in person.
Then there are the few hundred mind-numbingly redundant analysts, who combined could bring you about as much insight as Terry Bradshaw could provide on global warming.
All of this hype and mayhem is given to an event whose significance, for the most part, won't be felt for years to come. Yet regardless of this, ESPN has been filling our heads for the past month with mock drafts, analysis of analysis of analysis and interviews with players sure to be drafted.
I think my favorite part of the draft might be when a player who was supposed to be picked early is still not drafted. Then one of the idiots from ESPN will come interview the guy and ask him a question like, "So, why do you think you haven't been drafted yet?"
How exactly is someone supposed to respond to such a stupid question? They could say, "Well, it might be the fact that I've put on 30 pounds sitting on the couch eating pizza all day, or it might have something to do with the eight times I've been arrested in the last year, but I don't know. I'm not too worried." Or maybe they'll be brilliant enough to use the most enlightening cliché of responses imaginable: "Well, you know, it is what it is."
Wow, is it really? I'm glad you cleared that up for us.
I understand that a lot of Americans can't get enough football coverage, and I think ESPN's new venture in covering the Arena Football League is proof of that, but airing three episodes of NFL Live in April? Come on, wake me up in September.
While we're on the topic of waking up, if you don't want to miss your team's first pick - God forbid - then you'll have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning. Even then you'll probably miss Mel Kiper Jr.'s breakthrough speculation into why a 20th pick might now go 27th. I don't know about you, but that's enough to ruin my day.
The NFL draft provides some of the most insignificant news coverage outside of the National Inquirer. But the sad fact remains that the average sports fan probably cares a great deal more about what goes down on draft day than how the presidential election turns out.
But hey, it is what it is, right?
Grant Hotaling can be reached at ghotaling@theorion.com
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