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When it comes to slumming Western pop culture icons, the Barbie doll is among the most deplorable.
She's blonde, has all kinds of accessories and friends and is the personification of American materialism.
With that kind of logic, it makes sense that top prosecutor of Iran - Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi - wants to limit the number of Batman, Spiderman, Barbie and Harry Potter toys imported into Iran, saying they have a destructive effect on the country's youth.
Really? 'Cause I was thinking the unemployment rate that varies between 16 percent and 25 percent, depending on whom you talk to, has a detrimental effect on the country's youth. Especially considering half the population is younger than 21, as reported by Afshin Molavi, an Iranian-born American journalist, in his book "The Soul of Iran: A Nation's Journey to the World."
Not even Iranians want to be in Iran.
"Many of them are frustrated, angry and looking for a way out of Iran," Molavi writes. "Iran has a high rate of brain drain. Many of Iran's top minds are scattered across the globe."
No one should be deprived of the opportunity to be envious of Barbie's impossible-to-acquire figure and Batman's unattainable level of both mediocrity and extreme wealth.
The prosecutor general may be pushing for the ban or restriction because Barbie has all those jobs. She's a doctor, businesswoman, professional ice skater, McDonald's worker, NASCAR driver, cheerleader and teacher, among other things, including the most heinous: a fairy princess. Additionally, there is no "Burka Fun Barbie."
Although oil revenues in recent years have amassed $70 billion in Iran, most of the country remains deep in poverty, according to the CIA.
And with the Iranian economy the way it is, a role model such as Barbie could prove troubling. Inspiration and liberation have an addictive quality.
Ignorance goes both ways, though. What do Americans know about Iranians? Well, for starters, there are no homosexuals in Iran, as President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said at his visit to Columbia University in 2007. Which may explain the ban on Batman and his boy sidekick, Robin.
Other than the colorful image of the fuzzy and eccentric president who has little power over his own country, we have no real frame of reference for understanding the Iranian culture. Our president is neither fuzzy nor eccentric.
The United States and Iran have had differences and tribulations, but perhaps by learning and accepting each other's cultures for what they are, some hope of bridging the decade-wide gap may exist. In order to do this, both sides have to separate their people from the government.
For example, not even FOX News could produce a satisfactory approval rating for Bush, as a poll from last month showed he is at a measly 32 percent.
On the Iranian side, reformists represent those who do not agree with the system of government. "It's illegal, it's not fair and it's not competitive - the whole ... governing system of the country," an Iranian woman, Zahra Eshraghi, said in an NPR article.
Another way to achieve a better sense of understanding is for Americans to stop living in the present, while Iran needs to stop living in the past. Put down the video game controllers, stop clicking "refresh" on Facebook and actually work at learning.
Being able to point to Iran or Iraq on a map is technically irrelevant if you actually know something about it. Watching pundits announce, "by electing so-and-so, the terrorists will dance in the streets" only increases the ignorance. Don't take the easy way out.
Iran, oppressing women and forcing citizens into an economic crisis hasn't really worked for America, so keeping your country stuck in the past will not bode well for you either. Despite great achievement in literature and architecture and overall ass-kicking in the Persian Empire, moving into the modern world may be helpful.
Among their many talents, Spiderman and Barbie may be the shining beacons of hope in uniting nations. Play on.
Megan Wilson can be reached at mwilson@theorion.com
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