It was recently National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. So now the spotlight has swung to "obese" people and how they overeat.
As a fat kid, fat girl and now fat adult, I know a little bit about being fat. Let me say, I don't compulsively stuff my face with caramel Ho Hos as comfort food. I don't eat fast food all the time or have six meals a day.
Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I'm a compulsive overeater.
I think I am predisposed to be this size. I was this size, I lost some weight five years ago and I have gained it all back. Now here I am -- the same old size. My mom is big and so is my sister. Genetics is a hard taskmaster.
I know I have poor eating habits, like having dinner at 10 p.m. when I get home from work. Also being a full-time student and working makes it so I don't have time to go to the gym. (Let me tell you, paying for the gym but not going does not really work wonders).
I don't have high blood pressure or diabetes. I eat a mostly vegetarian diet but I don't exercise, and that is my biggest problem.
As a fat girl, I know I stick out at Chico State. I walk among the hoards of hip-huggers and stiletto-heeled shoes and I think, "I could fit two of these girls in my pants."
I have a problem with skinny girls who pinch their poochie stomachs and complain they're fat. If you are a size 16 or less, you aren't fat. I'd like everyone under a size 16 to imagine what it's like to have two stores you can shop at in all of Chico. Guess what? It sucks.
It also sucks to be judged on your outside appearance. Women already know this, but being fat makes it that much worse.
I have been overweight/fat/obese/chunky/ and plus-size since I was little. I have never shopped in the regular section of stores.
In grade school it was always the "pretty-plus section," and in high school I had to dress like a 40-year-old businesswoman. It's hard to be in style when the clothes don't come in your size.
Now I'm not Jerry-Springer-cut-the-house-open-fat, but there is no denying I am overweight and I know it's the first thing every person registers when they see me.
I know what it's like to be the pink elephant in the room that everyone knows is there but no one will acknowledge when conversations turn to obesity. People look everywhere but at the fat girl, and by ignoring it, they only point it out.
I hate when people watch me eat because they could be thinking I don't need to eat; I am fat enough already. I hate to sit in the desks on campus for fear that when I stand up the desk will come with me.
I don't like being fat, but that's the way I am. I have exercised and I have lost some weight in the past, and I will probably do it again for my health.
I am sick of being whispered about. Sick of being laughed at and sick of being judged. I know that when I walk by big groups of guys they poke each other and say "Ha! There goes your girlfriend." Like dating a fat girl is the worst thing you can do.
I know I will never be skinny unless I have gastric bypass surgery and starve myself thin in six months. That's what it comes down to.
I work in a "plus-size" clothing store that caters to sizes 14 through 32. I always tell women to stop buying baggy clothes to hide in, and that their ankles don't look fat in those shoes.
Women have been driven to hate their bodies and to strive to look more perfect and more unrealistic.
Every day women come into the store and say they are having "the surgery." Some do it for health reasons, and I know it's hard on the body to carry extra weight, but some do it because they want to lose weight without will power.
But I am not going under the knife for the quick fix so I can feel good about myself because I finally look like society tells me I should.
I am tired of magazines and Hollywood showing women with bones sticking out of their bodies.
When Renee Zellweger gained 30 pounds to play Bridget Jones, all anyone wanted to know was how she was going to take the weight back off. I thought she looked better.
Society tells me my fat is wrong. It says it's a social handicap and it says it's completely unattractive.
When I was young, I used to hear this sentence all the time: "You have such a pretty face, if only..."
Well, I have some "if only's" of my own.
If only society was more concerned with my health than with how my pants fit. If only people didn't treat fat girls like they were ugly losers. If only thin really was out and curves really were in.
Maybe then we could all accept ourselves, and everyone could throw their comfort Ho Hos in the trash.
Sarah Knowlton can be reached at opinioneditor@orion-online.net
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