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Call me nuts, but I think Britney Spears has the balls to make it.
Most of my adolescence was spent balancing my burgeoning hatred for Britney Spears with the knowledge that there are people out there who love her. And I mean really, really love her. To belabor the point, my roommate cried when she heard Spears lost custody of her kids.
Her music? Catchy at best. Her looks? Tantalizing as jailbait, but once she got past being a minor, things went a little haywire. And we all know how fantastic people look once they shave their heads.
Then it aired. "Britney: For the Record." I swallowed my pride and the rising bile in my throat out of love and respect for my precious roomie, and I watched it.
I'd be lying if I said Spears didn't win me over. I'm not going to run out and buy her new album, "Circus," but I began to see a troubled little girl instead of a train wreck poorly masked in makeup, wigs and glitter.
TMZ, apparently the authority on celebrity gossip, called it a "crockumentary." Suddenly I found myself rushing to her defense. Actually, it may be better characterized as strolling to her aid, but taking her side nonetheless.
So she flashed her vagina getting out of the car. I love going commando in a skirt. I like the breeze. Maybe I would handle things differently if people photographed me getting out of the car all the time, but come on, girls, can we agree it's difficult to keep the vajayjay Victoria's little secret when exiting a vehicle?
So she talked in a bunch of different accents. I did, too, after I transferred high schools. One week I pretended I was a British foreign exchange student. The next I was a foster kid from Arkansas. I'm not proud of it, but life gets crazy and sometimes it's easier to take life in character.
So she shaved her head. I almost did, too. And yes, it was during the fateful year or two with the accents. But I had friends who refused to do it for me, and I didn't have the courage to do it myself. It takes a rare breed of breakdown to take the shears in your own hands, so let's at least give credit where credit is due. She stuck to her guns.
So she wore crazy wigs. She shaved her head, for crying out loud. It doesn't take a psychologist to diagnose that as a bad decision. Have I made my point yet?
Obviously she didn't go into details about her ride on the crazy train. She felt it was sufficient to say, "It was just a really, a really bad time in my life." What more do you want from the poor girl? All the dirty details are already plastered throughout the archives of tabloids everywhere.
To her judgmental public, I muse the question: Could you do any better? She has spent her entire life in the spotlight, trying to be whatever the public wants her to be. She's going to wear funny wigs and talk in funny accents - she's an entertainer. She is what we've made her.
Yes, she's Britney Spears. But good God, she's a human being, too. Britney, for the record, I've got your back. I'm still ashamed about it, but it's a start.
Melinda Booth can be reached at mbooth4@mail.csuchico.edu
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