 "Photo:")
 "Photo: Chad Lewis")
This is going to come across like a broken record, but if people would just pay attention to the music, they would be wiser for it.
For those of you who are intelligent, responsible young adults: this isn't for you. Go take the time you would have taken to read beyond this sentence and give yourself a pat on the back for making good decisions in your life.
The rest of you: tightly roll up a magazine or newspaper and swat yourself on the nose before you read further. Go on. Do it.
Did it hurt? Good. That's the feeling of me and the universe punishing you.
"What am I being punished for?" you may ask.
The answer is simple: You're one of the many young college students, probably underage, who drink at parties with friends and doesn't have the common sense to hold your red cup, bottle, can, glass, box of wine or beer bong out of frame when someone inevitably takes your picture.
If you don't do this, then I apologize for the magazine thing. But you still deserve it for obeying so blindly.
You know the snapshot is going to be posted online, and yet you stand there with that stereotypical, glazed-over drunk face, hold up a red cup like the ceremonial torch in the Never-Hire-Me Olympics and give a half-conscious smile while your friend stands before you with camera in hand.
It's also not only that you don't hide the cliche red plastic cup, bottle, etc., but that you present it, usually at eye level, next to your vacant, grinning face so that it takes the focus of the shot, held up like a proud angler displaying his catch on the dock.
Then, to make matters worse, you tag the picture on Facebook or MySpace so all the world has zero doubt that you're not the sharpest spoon in the drawer.
All that's missing from each of these thousands of pieces of digital evidence is a caption over the subject's head, saying, "Hey, mom! Look how much studying I'm doing while away at college! Aren't you proud?"
Is it so hard to just tuck the booze container behind your back if you must have your photo taken? Treat the situation as you would if the police were driving by the party - if they don't see it, it didn't happen.
You may think you're an adult because you got someone to buy a case of beer for you and your friends on a Friday night. However, gloating about your future alcohol abuse is about as immature as it gets.
I took a quick spin around the social networking world and found dozens of people in the 18- to 22-year-old range who are guilty of drunken digital vanity.
It's such a wise and classy move to post pictures of yourself boldly holding a half-empty Jose Cuervo bottle just a few pixels of screen space away from the field that states your birthday is in 1989.
It may seem funny to brag to your friends about how "hella wasted" you were during the weekend, but rest assured, more people are seeing those pictures than you realize.
And with all the prying eyes just a "save picture as…" away from immortalizing your youthful idiocy, it's probably best to take this sound advice: Leave the camera at home.
Julian Williamson can be reached at jwilliamson@theorion.com
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