May sent text messages to close friends to say goodbye April 11 after she swallowed about 15 pills of prescription Tylenol and drank half of a 750 milliliter bottle of Southern Comfort. She was trying to end her life.
May, whose name has been changed to protect her identity, came to Chico State on an academic scholarship. Her friends say she is sweet, cute and smart. Few would guess she wanted to die.
Financial stress causes May to feel suicidal, she said. She lives in a two-bedroom apartment with a roommate and earns $500 to $600 a month working three jobs. Her rent, cell phone, PG&E and car insurance bills add up to about $800 a month, and she often has to pay late fees. She does not have cable, credit cards or the Internet.
The sophomore said she has attempted suicide five times in the last seven months - and she is not alone.
The American College Health Association found that 1.4 percent of 16,000 students reported attempting suicide, and 9.5 percent seriously considered it. The 2002 survey questioned students on 28 U.S. campuses.
May is trying to get help.
She has visited the Psychological Counseling Center a dozen times. She has been through the Butte County Department of Behavioral Health system five times, once sharing a room with a schizophrenic who was strapped to the bed. She has also tried churches and hotlines.
Everything has been a dead end, she said.
May said she feels like her resources have been exhausted because she is unable to afford insurance, and her parents cannot afford to lend her money.
"All I've wanted is just counseling."
Campus works with few resources
But May will not be able to visit the Psychological Counseling Center this summer because it does not do basic counseling over break.
The center sees about 1,000 patients a year, and patients have an average of two or three counseling sessions, interim Director Mimi Bommersbach said.
Some students wait two weeks to see a therapist, Bommersbach said. Students who are suicidal receive an immediate assessment.
The center is not designed to provide permanent therapy, and it would be unethical to provide short-term therapy for long-term problems, Bommersbach said.
Therapists will refer students who have insurance to therapists who can help them on a long-term basis. Patients who don't have insurance are harder to help, Bommersbach said.
"There's a shortage of mental health services - period," she said.
The center tries to do the best it can, she said. It offered four support groups this semester that started in January, but the groups were full when May tried to enroll.
October and April are the center's busiest times, usually because of midterms or weather changes. The center has tried to form support groups near the end of the semester, but students' schedules resulted in poor turnouts.
Aside from the counseling center, students can try Northern Valley Catholic Social Services. Bommersbach said students could see a therapist regularly for about $35 a session after about a six-week wait. Average sessions with a private therapist cost $100.
Students can also find private therapists who provide cheaper sessions pro bono, or for the public good, for those who cannot afford them.
When students are depressed, they don't see that they have less expensive options, Bommersbach said.
"When you get depressed or suicidal, you get tunnel vision," she said.
Bommersbach said it's important for people who are thinking negatively to have social support networks.
May's friend, Nicole Alfaro, said that trying to help her April 11 was the most hopeless feeling in the world. After receiving text messages from May, Alfaro said she felt frustrated trying to find May and stop her from killing herself.
When she wouldn't answer her front door or phone calls, Alfaro called 911.
Police put safety first
May went to lie down after taking the pills. She has overdosed during most of her suicide attempts, and she said it makes her tired and hurts her stomach.
Meanwhile, police arrived after Alfaro's 911 call. May said she climbed in her closet and sat on her shoes for an hour when she heard the sirens.
Police searched her house and checked the closet but did not see her, May said. She walked outside after the officers left because she was afraid that they would return. They found her after tracking her phone calls.
May said she felt like a criminal that day. Police officers cuffed her, took away her cell phone and put her in a car with the windows rolled up, she said.
The officers often talked about her instead of to her, she said. When they did talk to her, May said she didn't see how they could help and acted compliant but sarcastic. Being approached by a psychiatrist first would be more effective, she said.
Having a psychiatrist on duty all the time would be too expensive, said Mike Maloney, captain and acting chief of the Chico Police Department.
Police officers receive extensive training on handling attempted suicides both in the academy and field training programs, Maloney said.
"But the truth is that police officers are not trained to be psychologists," he said.
Officers' main concern is to make sure everyone involved remains safe.
They need to make an initial assessment to determine whether someone is a danger to themselves or others and then get the person somewhere they can be helped, Maloney said.
Student disappointed by wait, service
Police brought May to the emergency room at Enloe Medical Center, where she drank charcoal to induce vomiting. The charcoal binds to the poison so it won't be absorbed.
She was then taken to Butte County Department of Behavioral Health, a crisis response center for the county.
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