I am not one for scary movies. I don’t like dressing up as a ghoul and I’m especially not into haunted houses. Yet, I found myself about to take a tour of “The Lair” at the Blue Room Theatre on Thursday evening.
Ideas bounced between my friend and I about what “The Lair” would be like. Blood? Gore? Nudity?
A stone-faced man wearing a black suit guided us up the stairs. The walls were covered from top to bottom with black garbage bags, making it hard to see where I was walking. I stretched my arms out like a mummy, hoping I wouldn’t smash my head against anything.
“Mind the stairs,” the guide yelled in my face.
The distant sound of screams became louder as we moved closer to the upstairs theater.
The host told our group of about 15 people to take our seat.
“Welcome,” he whispered, standing an inch away from my friend’s face.
We were then greeted by a man dressed in a long trench coat and hat and by a woman wearing a black lace Victorian-style dress. The man, who introduced himself as Ludwig Van Helsing, explained the “ABCs” of zombie survival with the help of his female assistant by flipping through a sketchbook with letters of the alphabet written on them.
“L stands for ‘Leave ze weak vons behind,’” he said.
Van Helsing stood behind a lectern, reading off each letter as his female assistant translated in Spanish.
“You can pick up un copy of my book at ze end of ze tour in ze lobby,” Helsing said at the end of his presentation.
This was easily the best part of the whole haunted house. The two actors were in full character, speaking with heavy foreign accents and giving tips on how to avoid becoming a zombie.
The group was told to walk up another set of stairs. We made our way to the top, where flashing lights and screams greeted us.
We pressed on quickly, holding each other’s arms as we walked through the pitch-black hallways.
Hands and arms reached out from under black tarps, grabbing at our ankles. Screams surrounded us and the buzz of a chain saw droned in the distance. I grabbed my friend’s arm tighter for protection, yet I found myself laughing as we walked forward.
As we moved through the haunted house, we saw an actor on a table being sawed in half while a strobe light flashed, adding to the effect of complete chaos.
“Why won’t you help me?” yelled an actor covered in blood, reaching out for us as we screamed, running away from him.
The further we went into the haunted house, the more demented the atmosphere seemed. Fog machines made it hard to see where we were walking. Screams and maniacal laughs echoed in the theater.
We passed by a cage with a woman sitting inside, holding the bars and staring at us as we walked by her.
Just as we were at the peak of being scared and entertained, we found ourselves outside of the theater. That’s it? It’s over? I was having so much fun and just when my heart started to palpitate, it was finished.
When it was over, I could not help feeling disappointed it did not last longer. However, the quality of the brief show was impressive enough to balance out the experience.
Julia Marchionna can be reached at
jmarchionna@theorion.com
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