College is hard enough without the added stress of relationships — but they inevitably happen. There is not a section of the Chico State catalog about how to make relationships work and there won’t be a “Soul Mates 101” course being offered anytime soon, so students have to be aware of other resources.
The Wellness Center hosts forums on topics relating to all aspects of a person’s well-being and the topic of the Oct. 20 forum was “Addicted to Love.” The discussion centered on building healthy relationships and being able to recognize some of the real issues that occur in relationships.
David Hibbard, a professor from the psychology department, and his wife, Gail Walton, a professor from the child development department, were the speakers. Both approached the topic from research-based perspectives. One of the aspects of relationships they discussed was whether people are more attracted to someone similar to themselves or someone opposite.
“We hang out with people who are like us because they make us sort of like ourselves, they validate who we are,” Hibbard said. “We like things that are familiar, so the more times you hang around with somebody, the more you start to like them.”
Research shows people learn about how relationships work from their family, Hibbard said. If someone has a secure relationship with their family, they are probably going to have a secure attachment to their romantic partner.
“On the other side of that, if you have an insecure relationship with your folks, it’s possible that you may carry that over into your relationships,” Hibbard said.
Upbringing is not the only factor that can come up in relationships. Characteristics people look for in potential partners can sometimes be generalized by gender.
Males and females rate intelligence, emotional stability and character high, Hibbard said.
Dating habits can also be tied to gender. Males are more likely than females to say they date for fun, Walton said. Females are more likely to date for companionship and less likely than males to say they date to engage in sexual activity.
Figuring out what the other person wants and establishing good communication early on is key, Hibbard said. Relationships are a balancing act and have to be worked at, but it is also important not to force the relationship to work.
People who choose to live together often break up because they had different expectations about commitment, Walton said. People who are already engaged or planning on getting married can live together more successfully because their commitment level has already been established.
Finding out what the other person wants is important to the relationship, Hibbard said. Discussing topics such as goals, issues and whether it is an open relationship is vital.
“It’s probably not an easy conversation to have, but it needs to be done,” Hibbard said. “You won’t be surprised by anything and your expectations will be realistic.”
Some of the more common relationship issues college students face are long distance relationship problems and the added stress of social networking sites, he said.
“We’re so connected, it’s hard to keep relationships private anymore,” Hibbard said.
Kaeci Beshears, the forums intern for the Wellness Center, thought the talk was important for everyone, especially freshman.
“Coming into college from high school, you’re bombarded with everything,” she said. “I just want them to be prepared for healthy relationships.”
Beshears chose the “Addicted to Love” topic because she thought it was relevant to students. From her interactions with other people, she thought some students focus on relationships over school.
Senior Tristan Reaper thought it was interesting and informative.
“I like the idea there might be something I could learn about healthy relationships and how to develop them,” Reaper said.
But Hibbard wants students to use their college experience to learn more about themselves.
“Use the time here to find out about yourself and what you want out of a relationship,” Hibbard said. “If you’re going to be alone, you might as well use the time to find yourself.”
Bianca Hernandez can be reached at
bhernandez@theorion.com
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