2008 Woodie Awards
Sex Columnist Chris Thompson: Friends with benefits...is there a benefit?
By: Chris Thompson
Issue date: 8/27/08 Section: Features
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Though a lot of men look for something casual, plenty of women do, too.
Woody Allen once said, "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good."
In college, men and women are in a constant struggle to find their main squeeze or sexual beneficiary.
With about 17,000 students in attendance this fall, it can be hard to settle for monogamy. Sometimes we don't need a call the next day - or ever again for that matter - after a night of sexual exploration.
The beauty of friends with benefits is that a person can be sexually gratified and not be obligated to send cliche "I love you" and "I miss you" text messages or talk on the phone.
About a year ago, I met a woman and right off the bat I knew it was going to be beneficial, to say the least.
It may sound shallow, but every man and woman will feel the urge to have a no-strings-attached affair at one point.
Before I even knew her last name, we got down to the business of getting down.
A week later, I sent her a text to see how she was and before I knew it, I found myself talking with her a few times a week.
This is where things went wrong.
I knew it would be nearly impossible to have a serious relationship with a woman I had gotten physical with so quickly. Yet I pursued her and in due time, "the conversation" took place and she shot me down. She said she wasn't looking for anything serious.
This may seem like an ideal situation - I mean, don't all guys want something non-committal?
Well, yes and no.
Guys, you might have fun at first with your relationship until you realize you're spending more time with her than with your close friends.
If you think you want something more, back out right away or, better yet, talk with her openly.
You'll only get hurt if you aren't honest and open. There are a lot of males who play hard-to-get, but if you are the one chasing, be careful.
Here's the short and thick of it: whether you are a man or a woman, be sure that if you decide to have "fun" with someone without buying them dinner, both you and your "buddy" must understand what the other wants.
Be aware that friends with benefits are only for benefits.
If you start to have feelings that are more serious, be open with your partner because he or she may feel the same way.
Chris Thompson can be reached at
cthompson@theorion.com
Related links
Friends, Friends With Benefits and the Benefits of the Local Mall
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