The Orion Online

Issue date: 11/19/08 Section: Features

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Having divorced parents means Thanksgiving and Christmas are no longer much-anticipated gatherings of nuclear and extended family, but rather a complex coordination of which parent's house to visit, when and for how long.

Seeing my family together has become increasingly rare. And while past festivities were often filled with just as much stress as holiday che er, being surrounded by the people who watched me grow up is comfort now rarely received this time of year.

My dad moved to a different city in high school and my mom married and relocated to Southern California. So, going "home for the holidays" seems a bit ironic when I no longer have a home in my hometown.

With more than half of all marriages ending in divorce, according to the 2007 study "The Effects of Parental Divorce on College Students," many students are also struggling to divide the weeklong Thanksgiving break between mom and dad or reconcile the loss of their childhood origins.

The study shows that while students whose parents divorced while they were in college are less likely to be negatively affected than young children, one of the common concerns was where to spend holidays and the guilt associated with picking a parent.

My parents say it's up to me too and they're cool either way, but having to make the choice year after year continues to leave a little heartache.

No longer can I curl up in my daddy's lap after stuffing my face with mom's one-of-a-kind Thanksgiving sweet potatoes - it's a void now synonymous with the holiday season.

But as much as I miss feasting without picking and choosing, seeing my parents smiling instead of bickering at one another is a comfort all its own.

No adolescent memorabilia hangs preserved on a wall somewhere.

Instead I've collected my memories, and over these four years at Chico State, I've made a home of my own.

Divorce may shatter family structure and make holidays a pain, but being old enough to pick up the pieces yourself allows you to arrange a new life. Sure, it may be a bit chaotic at first, but it is yours - it's what defines you and nothing is sweeter than that.

Nicole can be reached at
featureseditor@theorion.com

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