2008 Woodie Awards
Holidays strained as parents split up
By: Joel Hersch
Issue date: 12/3/08 Section: Features
When things go sour between parents it can be just as rough on their children - even if they're college students.
For many, the holidays can be complicated when figuring out the best way to divide time between divorced parents, but often students have created their own support systems away from home.
Christmas is going to be a little different for junior Bill Ensrud, whose parents divorced in September.
Ensrud's extended family has always come for the holidays, he said. But with all of them on his father's side, he doesn't know how it's going to be this year.
Ensrud's mom is an only child and both of her parents have passed away, so she has made strong bonds with his father's family, he said.
"I worry that my mom won't feel that she's as much a part of that side of the family now that they aren't together, and that my dad's side might distance itself," Ensrud said.
It has taken a lot for Ensrud to move past the divorce, but he has kept it together pretty well, he said.
"My girlfriend has been amazingly supportive through the whole thing," Ensrud said. "She's the reason I've gotten through this as well as I have."
Freshman Joseph Borja's parents divorced after the first week of this semester.
Growing up, Borja always had memorable Christmases, thanks to his mom, he said.
"My mom was homeless growing up, so she made sure that my sister and I always had a great Christmas," Borja said.
For Borja, holidays have always been about togetherness, so from now on Borja thinks holidays are going to be awkward, he said.
"I'm not going to have that completeness that I've had with every holiday," Borja said. "I know I can't do anything to recreate those situations, it's just going to be different and I have to accept that."
For freshman Max Lincoln, whose parents have been divorced since he was 7, the holidays aren't as meaningful because to him the holidays are about the whole family being together, he said.
It's not easy for Lincoln to see both his parents often because his mom lives in Southern California and his dad lives close to the Oregon border, he said. He would like to spend Christmas with his dad this year because he has always celebrated it with his mom.
"Ideally, I would like to divide it up so I could switch off and spend the holidays equally with the both of them," Lincoln said. "But I don't know if that's going to happen."
Senior Becca Poloske grew up with separated parents, as well.
Her parents got divorced when she was 7, but her family has developed a schedule that has allowed her and her sister to grow up seeing both parents equally, she said.
"Usually we spend Christmas Eve day with my dad, then we go to our mom's at night," Poloske said. "Then around noon on Christmas day we go back to my dad's."
In high school Poloske and her sister would spend Tuesdays and Thursdays with their mom and Mondays and Wednesdays at their dad's, then spend every other weekend with the other parent, she said. It was hard at first to go back and forth all the time, but it was good that they spent time with both of them, and it's a lot easier now that she's in college.
"Now when I go home I just make an effort to see them both equally," she said.
Borja will spend his last Christmas with his dad who is moving back to Guam, he said. But being in Chico has minimized the effects of the divorce.
"My friends have been really supportive," Borja said. "Even though I've only known them these past two months, they're like my brothers, my family. I can really count on them."
So this Christmas will mean a lot to him because it's one of the last times his whole family will spend a holiday together, he said.
Joel Hersch can be reached at
jhersch@theorion.com
For many, the holidays can be complicated when figuring out the best way to divide time between divorced parents, but often students have created their own support systems away from home.
Christmas is going to be a little different for junior Bill Ensrud, whose parents divorced in September.
Ensrud's extended family has always come for the holidays, he said. But with all of them on his father's side, he doesn't know how it's going to be this year.
Ensrud's mom is an only child and both of her parents have passed away, so she has made strong bonds with his father's family, he said.
"I worry that my mom won't feel that she's as much a part of that side of the family now that they aren't together, and that my dad's side might distance itself," Ensrud said.
It has taken a lot for Ensrud to move past the divorce, but he has kept it together pretty well, he said.
"My girlfriend has been amazingly supportive through the whole thing," Ensrud said. "She's the reason I've gotten through this as well as I have."
Freshman Joseph Borja's parents divorced after the first week of this semester.
Growing up, Borja always had memorable Christmases, thanks to his mom, he said.
"My mom was homeless growing up, so she made sure that my sister and I always had a great Christmas," Borja said.
For Borja, holidays have always been about togetherness, so from now on Borja thinks holidays are going to be awkward, he said.
"I'm not going to have that completeness that I've had with every holiday," Borja said. "I know I can't do anything to recreate those situations, it's just going to be different and I have to accept that."
For freshman Max Lincoln, whose parents have been divorced since he was 7, the holidays aren't as meaningful because to him the holidays are about the whole family being together, he said.
It's not easy for Lincoln to see both his parents often because his mom lives in Southern California and his dad lives close to the Oregon border, he said. He would like to spend Christmas with his dad this year because he has always celebrated it with his mom.
"Ideally, I would like to divide it up so I could switch off and spend the holidays equally with the both of them," Lincoln said. "But I don't know if that's going to happen."
Senior Becca Poloske grew up with separated parents, as well.
Her parents got divorced when she was 7, but her family has developed a schedule that has allowed her and her sister to grow up seeing both parents equally, she said.
"Usually we spend Christmas Eve day with my dad, then we go to our mom's at night," Poloske said. "Then around noon on Christmas day we go back to my dad's."
In high school Poloske and her sister would spend Tuesdays and Thursdays with their mom and Mondays and Wednesdays at their dad's, then spend every other weekend with the other parent, she said. It was hard at first to go back and forth all the time, but it was good that they spent time with both of them, and it's a lot easier now that she's in college.
"Now when I go home I just make an effort to see them both equally," she said.
Borja will spend his last Christmas with his dad who is moving back to Guam, he said. But being in Chico has minimized the effects of the divorce.
"My friends have been really supportive," Borja said. "Even though I've only known them these past two months, they're like my brothers, my family. I can really count on them."
So this Christmas will mean a lot to him because it's one of the last times his whole family will spend a holiday together, he said.
Joel Hersch can be reached at
jhersch@theorion.com
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Sergy El-Morshedy
posted 12/03/08 @ 2:03 PM PST
Nice story. Hits home for a lot of students, including myself. It was a great (and considerate) idea to write on a subject like this.
Thanks,
Sergy
Chris
posted 12/09/08 @ 1:15 PM PST
Solid story. It touched on so many of the outlying issues that make the holidays a blessing as well as a burden.
Post a Comment