2008 Woodie Awards
Labor Day relaxation can be achieved without floating
By: Kelly Chandler
Issue date: 8/27/08 Section: Opinion
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With the holiday just a few days away, there are only two things in store for most students: tubing and booze. Ah, two of Labor Day's finest festivities.
For the rest of us, the only thing better than going to Sacramento River this year is not going.
News flash: floating is so not "in" anymore.
There are far better activities to enjoy over the holiday that are less damaging to the body, and more fulfilling for the soul.
These activities could include barbecues with family and friends, going to the park, staying in and relaxing or swimming in bodies of water that don't have fast and dangerous currents - for example, a pool. Remember those?
Floating down the river has been played out for many years now and it's time to start new traditions. What's all the excitement about floating down the river anyway?
It gets boring. The thrill will be gone by the time the tuber's body gets numb, which will only take about five minutes, and they'll still have a couple more hours to go.
Thousands of tubers show up every year to go floating. With that amount of people around, you will without a doubt be stuck next to the same people the whole time, herded together like sheep. So if a conversation goes bad, there's no possibility of escaping.
The river must also be shared with annoying, drunken strangers. Voices travel, and when someone is drunk they'll be sure to talk loudly about something foul, like all the details of their last hook up while using profanity every other word. This could get disturbing and could potentially ruin the main purpose of floating: relaxing.
In some parts, the water is so shallow that if the tuber doesn't have a large inner tube, their butt will drag along rocks, and it hurts. And with the chilly water, it's hard to notice the blistering sunburn on your chest.
It's also dangerous. Drinking and swimming has never been a good combination, and with the fast and unpredictable current of the river, a person is likely to lose a beer or two - or worse, their life.
If drinking a few beers must be on the agenda, then do so on land. Let's be honest, drinking on the river is plain stupid. What makes it worse is people know that it's a bad idea but choose to do it anyway. It's like running with scissors - they're pretty much asking to get hurt.
Finding other activities to do Labor Day is the better way to go.
Why create memories with complete strangers on the river when memories could be created with friends and family? Nothing beats a barbecue where there's great food, music and people you actually like.
Floating down the river will leave people wondering where the day went because they wasted it with drunk, smelly, river people. A barbecue will leave people feeling good about how they spent their day, because it was with good company and quality conversation.
Students should save their money and their livers and take time to sleep, watch TV and really relax, opportunities to party are plentiful.
Some advice for the holiday: don't give in to begging friends who want to float. Kindly let them know their idea is outdated and that floating Sac is kind of whack.
Kelley Chandler can be reached at
kchandler@theorion.com
Video from YouTube
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
samson
posted 8/27/08 @ 12:09 AM PST
What a hater! What is wrong with floating, maybe the author is just embarassed to be seen in a bathing suit! Nothing says you have to drink, and playing rock tubes on beer beach is a blast. (Continued…)
Yawner
posted 8/28/08 @ 7:32 AM PST
Who wants to float when the people next to you are peeing, shitting and vomiting in the river. If I wanted that amount of pollution I will float down the New River to the Salton Sea
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