The Orion Online

Issue date: 10/1/08 Section: Opinion

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Both Gov. Sarah Palin and Sen. Barack Obama have come under fire for not having enough experience, but looking back on the past eight years, it has become painfully evident that experience plays a small role in presidential efficiency. The two candidates also demonstrate that as long as anyone wants to be in power bad enough to put up with the race and gender card accusations, anything is possible. Just ask Sen. Hillary Clinton. Her only misstep was that she just didn't pander - I mean, want it - enough. But after following the race with only a mediocre amount of apathy, I feel qualified to give tips to average Americans on how to become the next, next commander in chief. Here are some lessons from the candidates to take into consideration while running for president.

Accepting "campaign contributions" from corrupt officials is OK
But when you're called on it, give it back and distract everyone from the fact by pulling an Angelina Jolie - giving the tainted dollars to charity. Palin is donating more than $2,000, drawing from the campaign contributions of two Alaska politicians who donated money during her successful run for governor. The two were implicated in a sprawling public corruption scandal. Both Sen. John McCain and Obama have returned campaign donations tied to corruption, expressing regret in both cases, The Associated Press reported. Obama's campaign said he's given to charity $159,000 tied to convicted Chicago real estate developer Antoin Rezko. In the early 1990s, McCain returned $112,000 from Charles Keating, a central figure in the savings and loan crisis. No one seems to care that Jolie stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston - she's just so generous.

Catchy nicknames improve likability, decrease criticism
President George W. Bush labeled himself "The Decider" in 2006. Similarly, McCain has dubbed himself a "maverick" for repeatedly crossing party lines in the Senate. Despite the fact that McCain's moderate political views have been left at the door since the beginning of this campaign season, he retains the nickname. As a result, he's still a maverick in everyone's hearts - as long as he keeps telling us he is.

Turn weaknesses into strengths
If McCain ever realizes his approval rating plummets each time his face dons that creepy smile, maybe he'll stop saying snide comments that make him feel proud of himself. When this happens, he'll appear more stoic and presidential and less like a disturbed grandpa. Meanwhile, Obama is criticized for being an "elitist." Many Americans say they want to elect someone that they would "have a beer with." But look at how that's been working out. As a president, it's better to have access to some of the most influential groups of people in the world than to be despised by them.

Don't forget the Internets. Or the power of the Google
If you're going to lie - or perversely distort facts - don't encourage people to look up the actual information. During the first presidential debates, McCain called out Obama on a number of occasions and urged the public to research the details. The next day, The Associated Press did. Turns out, "Look it Up" McCain was wrong.

Katie Couric is the angel of death
During Palin's interview with Couric, the Alaska governor talked in circles when asked about the $700 billion bailout package, somehow ending up at a point about job creation and health care. She also became speechless when Couric pressed her for explicit examples of what McCain has done in his 26 years in Congress encouraging more government oversight. All Palin could say was, "I'll try to find you some, and I'll bring them to you." On the other side of the aisle, Sen. Joe Biden was also victimized by Couric. Talking about how to handle the economy, Biden said, "When the stock market crashed, Franklin Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened.'"

That's great. But in 1929, the television was still in experimental stages. And Herbert Hoover was president. As long as these two don't know history, they won't know when they repeat it.

'How to lose friends and alienate people'
The most important thing to keep in mind when vying for America's Next Top Patriot: Do not to piss off David Letterman. McCain was supposed to be on the "Late Show," but canceled at the last minute, saying he was on his way to the airport, racing back to Washington, D.C., because of the disastrous state of the economy. However, during the telecast, there was a live feed of McCain preparing for an interview with - who else? - Couric. Crossing Letterman means curtains for any campaign.

Megan Wilson can be reached at
mwilson@theorion.com

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