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Sex Columnist: Balls: Lick 'em or leave 'em

Published: Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Updated: Monday, April 27, 2009 03:04

I've spent some of my young adult years contemplating why any and all members of the male population, love to tug and rub their ever-so-sacred jewels.

I guess I can't make sense of it because I was blessedly born as a female. So, what I'd rather like to comprehend is what exactly I'm supposed to do with this interesting duo before, during and after having sex.

Testicles are oft-forgotten - and I'm mostly reminded of this when requested to do something with them. So, this will be advice to the women who completely forgot that balls do in fact exist and need to be fondled, and to those who purposefully go out of their way to avoid those sometimes scary and hairy little fellas.

I never seem to hear about testicles in advice columns, so guys, here's to you.

A man's balls are actually pretty damn useful if we are willing to go that extra centimeter from the shaft down south.

Lick, fondle, suck, hold, kiss, squeeze - softly - tug, motor-boat - the possibilities are endless.

Obviously getting his opinion about what exactly he likes will be a crucial step from rookie to the big leagues, because, after all, most guys root for different stimulation tactics. Although, I can truthfully say all men I've come across have never once asked me to back off their balls.

I'll admit, rubbing a guy's testicles can be like rolling around those Chinese metal balls in between your fingers - minus the de-stressing effect.

I know they can be scary at first. Two small, medium or large round things sometimes covered in hair - preferably shaven or trimmed, please - and often a bit sweaty from nestling in clothing all day, are probably gonna be kinda intimidating. However, note that up close and in your face isn't the only option here.

During oral sex, typically kissing and sucking would be appropriate. However, if this doesn't seem at all appealing, let him know you aren't neglecting by cupping and squeezing them softly while you're licking other unmentionable areas.

Feel free to experiment during all positions when having sex. If on top, sit up and reach back to grope and fondle. It's sure to add stimulation and perhaps take him by surprise - in a good way. A position such as doggy-style also makes touching the testes accessible and stimulating. Reaching behind and between your legs is a great way to give them a gentle tug, tickle or squeeze.

Don't forget about the perineum either. This is the area between the scrotum and the anus that is sensitive and full of pleasure. Lightly massaging this, while cupping his testicles during oral sex will be the icing on the cake.

Now don't move. I'll go get you a towel.

Dionna Mash can be reached at sexcolumnist@theorion.com

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12 comments

Tom
Thu Sep 2 2010 14:05
This article made me blush a little but I found it very funny and a refreshing break from all the seriousness. Although this may be offensive to some, It made me laugh and put me in a better mood and gave me a break from all the scrutiny of reading about out of control students, and other similar topics. You go girl, This reminds me of the South Park episode "chefs chocolate salty balls" HAHAHA
Gina
Fri Mar 26 2010 15:59
I find it funny that the guido contest was considered offensive by you guys but "balls: lick em' or leave em" isnt.
Anonymous
Thu Mar 25 2010 16:00
yummy! haha
Jim
Wed Mar 24 2010 15:58
This article should be standard reading for everyone. It's funny how everyone just assumes that you should know what you're doing when it comes to intimacy. You wouldn't assume that with a car, or anything else. Yes sex is dirty. That's the point. If it's not, then you're not doing something right.
jim
Mon Oct 26 2009 11:45
I have to think that the people that are "disgusted" with the article or topic believe or have been taught that sex is a filthy, dirty thing.. it's sad in today's world we still have that mentality. I say good for you Dionna... information and education is the best tool.
Jennifer
Thu Jun 18 2009 14:32
Wow, I'm surprised at the negative comments on this article. I was happily surprised to come across this! The people woh are oh-so-offended just need to get laid.
jon
Sun Jun 14 2009 23:48
I am quite shocked that those so disgusted with this article are, in fact...reading this article. I love the first amendment, rock on girl.
Zack
Tue May 19 2009 12:38
Wow I'm surprised that people object to the fact that balls need some lovin too. I'd bet that the negative comments left might be the opposite had it been advice given to men about spots they shouldn't ignore on their partner. Rock on Dionna. They must just not get to play with balls all that often.
Chrissi
Tue May 5 2009 22:28
Good Job. Way to have a set for yourself. Sounds like some people need a couple slapped in their face to relax a little. By the way, the local paper is full of blood and guts. I suppose that's better? Not. And oh, ya I have 3 kids in college. I talk with them about sex, real sex, not just the kind that happens on the night they get married. I encourage reading and seeing so that they can ask questions. Nobody's had an STD or been a teen parent. Wow, big surprise. And, yes I do know... just in case you were thinking they hide stuff from me.
Vicki Vireno
Tue May 5 2009 17:34
This is in the CSU Chico student news paper ?The one that wins all these awards? Ya right. Way too far LEFT, Dionna Marsh should NOT be a part of your staff. I am so discusted in the Orion! I guess that she is looking for. To think I graduated from chico and my two daughters WOW I just sorry that I encourage my girls to read their school paper What a discusting article. I'll stick to the local paper.
Krystal Merlo
Tue May 5 2009 12:31
I was also pretty shocked at what she had to say. Leave the sex tips up to the cheesy mags you can buy on your way out of the grocery store!
Kenna Cook
Sat May 2 2009 22:02
This article makes me sick and i hope that Dionna isn't using any of her work as the sex columnist for a professional, journalistic portfolio. i don't think anyone - other than the guy she is screwing - cares about her lust for testicles. Maybe some fact or reader reaction intertwined with Ms. Mash's sexual promiscuity might make this more palatable. The more she writes, the less respect I have for the paper






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